By Chanel Marshall
I may get some feedback for this one (which is welcomed), but hear me out. (clears throat)
Generally speaking, I feel like we have a collective view of how the sexual process should go. There's some foreplay, some kissing, and a dramatic scene of intercourse leading up to this amazing explosion of an orgasm. That's great, but is it realistic? We can blame these ideas on magazines, movies, novels, or our own fantasies. Either way, I believe that we focus too much on the orgasm (or lack thereof). There are TONS of books, articles, videos and the like instructing us on how to achieve and/or give orgasm. And because we always want more, I've seen plenty more media focused on achieving multiple orgasms! When it comes to sex, we are an orgasm-driven society and we know it! Now, don't get me wrong, orgasms are awesome; I totally get that. But my question is, what about the process leading up to the “big O”? As a woman, I know that an orgasm from vaginal intercourse is not a guarantee. In fact, 50-75% of women do NOT orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. But we keep having sex right? I'm just saying. There must be SOMETHING to the journey, so let's give it some love!
You're asking, “Jaali, how can my partner and I have fun on this “journey” you speak of?” Well my friend, I'd gladly share my insight. My thought is that the sexual experience should be about the connection between the people involved. The stronger the connection, the more intense the sensations and feelings will be. Believe me, you will be far less concerned about that orgasm because you would have been in tune from the first second. As a matter of fact, that's what Tantra is all about. (Tantra will be covered in another blog.) Think about the experience as a whole. Think about the anticipation. Think about what you find sexy about your partner.
Think about the smells, tastes, and sounds. See? It's already working! You have to:
1. RELAX!- And have fun. Sex should not be a test, nor should it be a competition. So chill, get sexy, and go all out!
2. Get creative.- There is no "box" when it comes to sex. There are no boundaries. Try something new, and break the routine!
3. Keep the journey in mind.- Think about why you are with your partner and how much you want to please her/him. Know that this journey does NOT have to be a long experience, nor does it have to be the same every time. ( refer back to #2. )
I'm telling you, the journey can be just as or more fun than the destination....if you let it. What do you think?
amani moto,
Chanel Jaali
President and Founder
Jaali Co.
www.jaalico.com
Jaali Co., LLC is a multidimensional company specializing in sex education for adults. We offer themed parties, consulting, workshops, and extensive research. Our purpose is to assist people in achieving sexual responsibility and sexual freedom through comprehensive knowledge. Chanel Jaali is an independent researcher and sexual educator mainly focusing on the topics of sexual development, sexual attitudes and behaviors, and reproductive rights of women of African descent. She can be contacted at jaali.company@gmail.com.
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