Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Can Bad Sex Ruin a Good Relationship? Reader Question Answered!

Q: Can bad sex ruin a relationship even with a good connection?

A: Dear Reader,

Yes, it absolutely can. But it doesn't have to. Sex is one of those relationship factors that people barely talk about but expect to be on the same page when it comes down to the act. You mentioned that there was a good connection between the two of you. Use that to your advantage. Hopefully you and your partner have open communication with each other and are able to talk openly about how you think and feel. Otherwise, holding your feelings in could lead to resentment towards your partner. And unresolved resentment is bad business.

There are a few things I want you to think about. How important is sex to you? Is bad sex a dealbreaker? There are some requirements that every person absolutely must and absolutely must not have in a partner. These are what I call “non-negotiables.” For example, some people must date someone of the same religion. Some people will not date someone who smokes. Think about what you need sexually and the flexibility of those needs. Also consider your partner's sexual past may be limited or she/he may have a long history of bad sex and not even know it. Here's where you come in. You can teach your partner how to please you without bruising the very fragile ego. Make it fun and creative; I'm sure you'll even learn a thing or 2 about yourself and your partner. Note that this may take some patience and a little compromise. But if you have a relationship that is sturdy, then this can been seen as a way to bond and be closer to your partner.

Reader, you are going to have to take control of the situation because you, like the rest of us, are responsible for our own sexual happiness.

Amani moto,

Chanel Jaali

Submit your ANONYMOUS question to the link below, and it just may be answered!

Jaali Co., LLC is a multidimensional company specializing in sex education for adults. We offer themed parties, consulting, workshops, and extensive research. Our purpose is to assist people in achieving sexual responsibility and sexual freedom through comprehensive knowledge.  Chanel Jaali is an independent researcher and sexual educator mainly focusing on the topics of sexual development, sexual attitudes and behaviors, and reproductive rights of women of African descent. She can be contacted at

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